yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
He better not be in your backpack
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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