His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I have tasted many bathrooms
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
