Welp...herpes.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
