Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
