I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
