Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
