One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Come share oat with me in your robe
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
