if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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