I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
