If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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