I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
