I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
