u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
40s are totally the cure
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
