Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
