Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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