drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
