why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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