Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Randomize
