fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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