I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
