but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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