The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
