considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
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