did you get engaged???
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize
