I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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