One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
