So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Randomize
