The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
