You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
