I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
