Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
You dont lie about slip and slides
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
