The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
