Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
