he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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