Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I fill condoms, not promises.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
