Say something about gay babies.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
