How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
