He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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