sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize