You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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