I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Randomize
