According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
