If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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