I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
