I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
