your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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