DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
