East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize