I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
