i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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