i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
