I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
