so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
one two three fourrrrnication!
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
