Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
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