Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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