i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
