hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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