I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Randomize
