i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Boobs are out for the taking
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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