worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
