so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
