Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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