My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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