Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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