I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
