Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
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