U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
