I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
