That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
