i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Acid is not a monday night drug
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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