She is in my trunk
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
