All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
