would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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