I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
birth control should be required to get into college
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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