false alarm. still invincible.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
