Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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