ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Randomize
