You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
These tits shall not be calmed
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
