so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
You're like the curious george of whores
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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