Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
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