my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
